The Knee Defender

I want them!!!



The reclining seat is one of the top nuisances remaining on any flight.



I remember flying long haul in the seventies/ eighties when they served acrid coffee on flights to compliment the obnoxious cigarette smoke, the refined kerosene stink from the leaking fuel tanks, the bone shaking vibrations and the sickening G pulls as the plane alley ooped through air pockets.



Like a stale bottle of beer the reclining seat continues to hang foul, managing to engender a spiteful, almost hatred for the impudent, arrogant, uncaring, expletive deserving idiot infront. Being a regular traveller I have devised many punishments for these rogues e.g.



I usually manage to get my knees up as the seatbelt sign extinguishes, but it's only a short lived reprieve:-



the moving knees in the back are a good one to raise the situation to defcon 1;

irregular, but frequent raising and lowering of the tray table works well combined with fumbling of the catch;

directing the task air outlet so it blows on the perp's head is another good'n;

asking for a hot drink and demanding the chair be put upright incase of scolding is well worth it once the assailant has fallen asleep;

inviting the obnoxious kid with ants in his pants to play peek a boo is a winner;

getting up for a toilet break or leg stretcher, hip and shoulder while pulling down on the head rest for leverage is excellent;

pushing the carryon bag side to side under the seat so it hits the guard rail;

lemon scented hand wipes deployed right next to the bolster;

tapping out the ipod beat on the tray table;



......



Of course it is a must to be seen to be a happy go lucky person who bears no malice to anyone, replete with genuine friendly smile.